“Property vs wedding: How can I do both?!”

My boyfriend and I got engaged three years ago — it was pure magic. Saying ‘yes’ was one of the happiest moments of my life. 

Two years ago, after pooling our life savings, we bought our first home. It was exciting and stressful in equal measure. 

It took pretty much every penny we had — the 15% deposit, legal fees and stamp duty costs came to £78k. We had no help from the Bank of Mum and Dad. 

But now that the paint has dried and the dust has settled, friends and family won’t stop asking: ‘When’s the wedding?’. 

We know they’re excited for us and we’re buzzing too. But after seeing that the average wedding costs £23,420, it’s feeling more stressful than serene.

With such high mortgage rates and costs for basics like food and getting to work, how can people afford to do both? We’re savers, not spenders — we’d also never ask for help.

Spending a fortune to say ‘I do’ doesn’t feel right. For starters, we’d love to have kids one day but know that parenthood can be costly. Plus, we’re both still feeling the financial strain that can come with being on the property ladder. 

I’ve spoken to two of my close friends who are also engaged. One of them feels the pressure to do it all, so has buried her head in the sand – and done neither. While the second friend, who has already bought a home and set a date for the wedding, said they wouldn’t be able to do so without a very generous cash injection. 

Back in the day, having a wedding and buying a home was the ‘thing’ to do. It was like a rite of passage. But nowadays, it feels like a luxury, reserved for those who are better off.

After three years of being engaged, we’re still unclear on how we’ll make this work. But if valuing home ownership over a £20k wedding is ‘wrong’, I don’t want to be right.

Illustration credit: Emanuel Santos